For the first time, I cried all the way to clinic with Calvin yesterday. I can't describe the fearful thoughts that jump around my head as I face these blood test days with Cal's brother & sister's oncologists. (This can't compare to the fearful thoughts that the other drivers who see a crying lady behind the wheel on 422!) But then, for some reason, as I pulled into the parking lot, the tears stopped & a calm came over me. I physically can't be upset in that place. I feel so close to my kids & I always leave feeling so overwhelmed with the conversations I have with the nurses, clerks & docs. Overwhelmed in a good way. They often seem to know me better than I know myself. Like I needed the reminder of who I was the first time I walked through those doors. It's a long road we travel together. I know that they have fears too. Luckily, we left the office as carefree as we could be. Calvin's blood counts were AWESOME. Yay!
It was nice to be recognized for my Mommy skills yesterday. I was praised for the life & love that we are providing for Calvin. They are so pleased to see his development on track & his generally pleasant demeanor. It seems that I have yet to severely screw him up! Let's save that for the teenage years.
I did ask some tough questions yesterday about Calvin. As anticipated, I got the answers I expected. So here's the long & short of it. While we reached a HUGE milestone for Cal at his 1st birthday, we are still in a pretty murky place statistically. We know, for 1, that should leukemia show its little ugly white cell face, he would not have Infant Leukemia. Infant Leukemia is a major bummer when it comes to survival rates. (which we know, right?!).The crappy risk that we still worry about is ALL. There is reliable data out there concerning identical twins & the statistics associated with having an identical twin diagnosed with Leukemia before the age of 6 months. The risk of the other twin starting with ALL is highest (as far as we know now) until the age of 4! Guess who gets tested until 4 and occasionally after?...Calvin. We hope to spread the tests out over time. 18 months is another big hurdle & his next appointment will host a little boy over 18 months! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! So 8 more weeks until his next big day. Thank you, I'll take it!