Last night I read a speech that I wrote expressing my experience as a caregiver for Avery & Nolan through their cancer battles. Usually I can pull off a speech pretty easily with a few notes, but this time was definitely a READER. It's tough to talk about myself. The stories of Avery & Nolan come easier because I think of them so often & share them regularly. Think about me? Talk about me? Well, that doesn't come so easily. Especially considering myself at the same time as Av & No. They came first in every instant of my life & probably always will, along with little bro Cal.

Thank you. I am honored to share some insight into my personal experience as a caregiver for my cancer angels, Avery & Nolan Megonigal. I live each moment fully aware that I have experienced MANY great losses in my life because of cancer. For tonight, I have accepted this new challenge. Instead of focusing on the pride I hold for Avery & Nolan, I have to take a good look at myself as a caregiver. It is not easy for me & I hope that you too can take a deep breath & realize, along with me, this challenge.

Cancer effected every system & part of Avery & Nolan’s body. It has left a mark on mine as well. Let’s start from the bottom, UP!

Legs & feet – In the most tense moments, this caregiver has found that pacing back & forth is a natural coping mechanism. If I just keep moving, I can keep going. I can continue to be present in the moment. I will be ready to pounce on the next challenge. As we walk today, can’t you feel the power of movement? The energy pushes you forward, up & over the obstacle, opens your mind to possibilities, opens your heart to hope.

Gut- Having 2 little ones who could not communicate with me, I have become a master of the gut feeling. Some only feel that boulder in the bottom of their stomach once or twice in a lifetime. I lost count a long time ago, but I trust that feeling. I follow it, embrace it & feel thankful that cancer has showed me how important it is to follow my instincts.

Arms & Hands – Holding someone in your arms for the first or last time IS the most beautiful gift.

Heart- It’s broken, but it is still so full. I can feel hope in the most hopeless situations. I care so much and so deeply now. The fact that my heart is still beating amazes me. Even more amazing, it beats louder & stronger when times get tough. All of my greatest memories are stored there, giving me the power to just keep going.

Mind – I believe that Avery & Nolan’s battles with cancer left me, the caregiver, as a more intelligent & saavy person than I ever could have dreamed I could become. I see now, after taking this challenge to finally concentrate on myself for once that I made life-altering, educated decisions in seconds. I communicated with medical professionals on a daily basis using words like Extracorporeal membrane oxygenation, and they listened to my every word.

Just like YOU are listening. I have a story, my own story as a Cancer caregiver. Cancer took my greatest gifts, but left me with my super powers. I just have to accept the challenges, like this one, that put them to good use.